Now before anyone gets offended, I call the van that because I think it's funny. I mean come on how sexy can a '96 Ford Aerostar be?
See, I always get the hand me down car. I'm not really complaining it's just a fact. We get a new car and I start driving the one it replaced. Upon receipt of my "new"car, my beautiful wife always says "take care of it so we can sell it someday". Not realizing that at that point they really have no resale value. So far, the only time I have sold one of the hand me downs was to the state when it wouldn't smog. But I digress.
So, my form of transportation these days is a red over silver 1996 Ford Aerostar XLT (OOO Sexy). I can't complain it's been very reliable and provided me with some really good jokes. But recently, I've had problems with the cooling system. First there was the OEM radiator cap the stop sealing. Nothing like driving down the road spewing antifreeze. I thought that would solve the overheating problem but, I was wrong. Recently it has been running hotter than usual, not overheating but definitely hotter than it had ever run before. Now a curious thing about the Ford Aerostar radiators, they can be blowing a literal geyser out the cap,but the top of the radiator and surround remain cool to the touch. Making you question your gauges. At this point I had not had a boil over. Although the gauge tended to be almost in the red by the time I drove the 11 miles from home to work or vice versa.
Thursday morning I was off work and had an acquaintance volunteer to check the sensor at his garage. Free mechanic's services (Oh yeah baby, I'm there). I get to the shop at the appointed time and wait a little. Hey it's free, I'm off all day. So what do I care? The van is in the bay for about 30 minutes. Then comes the "diagnosis"(insert Law & Order badonk here). "It's not the sensor (crap!) I ran a pressure test and there's no leak (I knew that) so the overheating is caused by either the thermostat or the fins in the water pump eroding and not circulating properly (double crap!!)". He suggests starting with the thermostat since it's the cheapest and easiest to fix. This guy is some kind of comedian, because the Aerostar like most van has a very small hood. So all engine work is either done through this 18 inch opening in the front or through "dog house" in the passenger compartment. Either one requires being flexible and willing to leave skin and blood in the engine compartment. Although I am capable of doing most auto repair doesn't mean I want too. But I'm also pretty cheap so spending a couple hundred dollars on labor for something I can do...not gonna happen.
After the diagnosis about my cooling system I headed home. I got about 3 mile when the temp. gauge red-lines and I get a boil over. I get off the highway and make it into a shopping center that has a Kragen auto parts and a gas station. By now the valves are clattering and I'm concerned about the engine turning into a large lump of molten iron. I start spewing a soliloquy of obscenities (I'm not bragging, just stating facts). So here I stand the van blowing steam and water that would do Yellowstone proud cussing like a nomadic truck driver. I figure, I'll wait for it to cool, replace the coolant and head for home. Now is the time this "homeless" guy walks up and asks for a hand-out. Now before anyone starts thinking that I'm a cold hearted S.O.B. I'll just say you are absolutely right I am. This guy stinks of urine, stale booze, cigarette smoke and I figure he made substance abuse his priority in life so be it. Don't ask me to support it. But, I opt for "sorry" and go back to staring under the hood of the Aerostar.
I call my loving wife and tell her what's going on and I'll probably be home sometime that day. But, now I have the beginning of a caffeine withdrawal headache. If you're not caffeine dependant you wouldn't understand. So, I walk about a block to a McDonalds to get my coffee fix and then over to Kragen to get some antifreeze. I opt for the 50/50 antifreeze because I have no water to mix with it. The van has stopped blowing coolant so I open the cap and another gush of coolant comes out.
I decide to wait a little longer and here comes Mr. Pissypants again "escuse me got any shpare change?"
I turned from looking under the hood and this guy gets a look of abject terror in his eyes a I growl "go away".
After about 45 minutes I add the antifreeze. Okay radiator's full, cap is on, now to try and start it. The van turns over but refuses to start. Another soliloquy of obscenities spew forth. I get out of the van and here come Mr. Pissypants again. I guess he figures third times a charm, that or his brain is so fried he can't remember asking twice already for money. He asks for money and my kind loving response was
"LOOK A--HOLE, I"VE GOT MY OWN PROBLEMS! NOW, LEAVE ME ALONE OR I'M GONNA KNOCK YOU ON YOUR ASS" He left.
I wait a few more minutes and the van reluctantly starts and I attempt the other 5 miles home. I take the highway because I think it will be faster. As I get to my off ramp there goes the temperature gauge. It creeps toward the red. I've got just a little over a mile to get home and every stinking light turns red. I limp home and now the engine sounds like a old diesel on a cold morning. But I'm home and hopefully I'll be able to fix whatever damage there is and drive the van again. To be continued.....
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