So this blog is what happens when you get me in a tie, headed to a wedding and then give me TOO much time to think. I get the whole love of your life, happily ever after romance part. What I don't understand is some of the things that happen up to and during the reception.
The whole thing starts with a simple question, then everything gets weird. Theres picking the date, the colors, the wedding party, the venue etc. Somewhere along the line there's the engagement party. Friends and family gets together, bring gifts, get a little tipsy, a little emotional, wishes the couple well. It's sort of a pre-reception reception. Then the showers, more gifts more, more liquor etc. Bachelor and bachelorette parties, more liquor, more risqué gifts, starting to see a theme here. Work it right and a wedding can be a gold mine.
Then we get to the big day, "friends and family" are invited that we haven't seen in years or even thought about. But what the Hell they'll at least send a present. Of course there are those that will show up just for free food and liquor. That's where Wal-mart comes in, we don't really know our cousin but, who couldn't use more kitchen utensils or bath towels?
Everyone gets to the appointed venue and theres all the "hi's, howdy, how long has it been, Lordy how the kids have grown" The subtext is a kin to that of a class reunion. "Wow, he's bald, Good Lord she got fat, I didn't know he was out of jail, I hope we're not at their table for the reception".
The ceremony starts and so do the OOHs, Ahhs and wows. "Isn't she beautiful?" " Gosh he's handsome" "what the Hell was that groomsman thinking with that hair cut" "Holy crap, that bridesmaid is way too fat for that dress"
There's the will you's and the I do's and he does and she does, stomp on the glass, jump the broom, let's get this party started!
So now comes the fun stuff. It seems throwing rice (no birds don't explode from eating uncooked rice) is to wish them fertility. In some European countries they throw eggs at the bride (that sound like too much fun!). Everyone files in the the reception and finds their respective tables (hopefully with someone you like). The band or DJ start up they introduce the couple. The toasts start, it always amuses me how much love they is at this moment. Then six months down the road, "what the Hell were they thinking, getting married to him/her what a _____".
Then the money dance, maybe I'm old fashioned. But if I'm gonna give money to a girl for a dance, there better be a pole and lap dance involved (just kidding, in case my wife reads this). The money dance actually started in Poland in the early 1900's. There's a lot of jokes I could go with, but I won't. A couple of weddings I've been to I think it was a bribe to get the bride to go away.
Then everyone gets a little drunk and a select few always provide entertainment. You know the ones, the groomsman that really can't dance but, is drunk enough to believe he can. The girl thats dancing by herself, because no guy has the guts to get raped on the dance floor. The older father, uncle, grandfather etc. that thinks he's 20-50 years younger than he is. But, the kids are the ones to watch. The little ones that will try to emulate their parents or older siblings. Things that are down right embarrassing for adult or sitcom gold when a kid does them.
You have to excuse me now, my bride says it's time to go and if I keep her waiting she steals my cake. So for all those newlyweds, congratulations, MAZAL TOV and good luck. Hopefully, 30 years from now you'll be a grumpy old married man too!!
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