I dedicate this blog to all the restaurant workers in the U.S. The miserable lot that work to make Mother's day a great day for all the untalented, unimaginative idiots that can only show mom they care by taking her out to eat.
First, there's the moron that waits until the last minute to make a reservation. These idiots call the day before or that day to get a reservation. Then get all pissy because they are told no. They try to argue the point a little, "what do you mean you can't take anymore reservations?" "So what if I just show up?" etc. Then they try to come up with a reason why we should make an exception for them. Finally, they hang up, oh but we'll hear from this jackass again.
Next you have the idiot that makes a reservation for a much smaller party than they bring. "I have a reservation for Joe Smith at 1:30, we have a few more people with us" "Okay sir, your reservation is for 3". "Well.....there's....10 of us. What do you mean we'll have to wait until you have tables available? I have a reservation!!! These are the same dipsticks that don't count kids when they go out, then get indignant when they don't all fit in a small booth. These folks rank right up there with the Neanderthal that makes a reservation and figures "we can just show up whenever we damn well please, cause we've got a reservation."
One of my reservation maker favorites is the people that show up early then get mad because they have to wait for their table. If you wanted to be sat 4:30 then don't make the reservation for 5:00. It's your own damned fault you have to wait and yes if we are busy I will make your silly ass wait.
Of these is my final favorite, the mental midget that decides "we'll just show up....with a party of 10". No Einstein, I don't have an endless supply of tables and chairs I can pull out of my ass. This is the same jackass I spoke of earlier. Typically parties of 4-5 aren't a big problem. When you have to start rearranging furniture things get complicated quick. The more people the more tables, the more tables the longer the wait.
Squatters show up high on the list of holiday morons. You know the ones, the ones that have decided to have the family reunion in the restaurant. "We got our table, so we're gonna stay as long as we want. Sure I know there's 100 people out there waiting for a table, but I don't care".
Now, I don't expect civilians to understand any of this. They'll continue to do this crap year after year and blame the restaurants they patronize. What really galls me is when the cadre of people we work with compound the stupidity. Really, isn't there enough stress and nonsense without creating more.
I love the servers that are so afraid they'll lose a dollar, they have to make everyone else miserable. Where I manage, we have a simple rule, that is a standard in the industry. Whoever has the table when the food is served gets the tip. It's simple as dirt, it all evens out. I absolutely cannot stand the money grubbing troll that refuses to allow someone to cover their station until all the food is out. These are the same servers that will bitch about having to tip out bussers and bartenders etc. Because your too cheap to tip the folks that made it possible for you to have great sales ergo tips possible.
Sorry that there's not much humor in this one, I just needed to vent. If you recognized yourself in any of these, do me a favor. Either correct your behavior, stay the Hell away from me. Especially on Mother's day.
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